DR. KARIN'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FOR SPOUSE B WHILE CHRISTMAS TREE SHOPPING

One of our concierge level elfs - Dale

  DR. KARIN'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FOR SPOUSE B WHILE CHRISTMAS TREE SHOPPING

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   For our purposes, you're Spouse A if:

   ---You have strong opinions about decor and design

   ---You can tell the difference between taupe and greige (duh)

   You're Spouse B if:

  ---You're down for Christmas tree shopping because Spouse A wants you to go, but you think any of those trees over there would be ok. And you are correct about that, my friend, but that opinion isn't going to trim your tree, so give a listen to Dr. Karin's Relationship Advice for the Tree Lot! 

   Preparation is impressive: When you come to the tree lot, bring your tree stand, bring a tape measure. Know how tall the ceiling is in the spot where the tree goes. Make sure the ride you're in has a roof rack, or just bring the pickup. 

   The ultimate goal is to leave with a tree that Spouse A likes, and since you like them all, you'll be happy with whatever you get. Freud may or may not have said that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but trust me on this, a Christmas tree is never just a tree. It's layered with emotional resonance for Spouse A, and it's imperative for you to recognize this, and participate in the process without gumming up the works. 

   Walk into the tree lot with a smile! You're having a fun outing with Spouse A! Hold hands, maybe.

 When Spouse A says "What do you think about this one?" Do not, under any circumstances say "Yeah, it's great. Let's get it." Tree #1 is merely the appetizer to the meal.

   About Tree #1, say something neutral such as "It looks well balanced." This gives Spouse A the springboard to revisit the pros and cons of the tree you got last year.

   Remind Spouse A about a charming detail of last year's tree, such as "There was plenty of room for presents under that tree,"  or "The ornaments hung nicely on that tree." Choose your detail carefully, because there's a 50% chance that Spouse A will come back with the opposite opinion about last year's tree, and it's a certainty that Spouse A will be right. 

   If that happens, knit your eyebrows, tilt your head slightly, and with a faraway look in your eyes, say "You know, you're right about that."

Elf Dale demonstrating how glossy grand firs are.

   Moving on to Tree #2, ask the Helper Elf what kind of tree it is. This gives the impression that you're interested in the different kinds of trees. There are so many! 

   When Spouse A says about Tree #3, "Do you think this is too big?" You can whip out your tape measure and announce, "Well,  it's less than 5' wide, so I think it would fit." Try to add extra emphasis to the word "fit." This gives Spouse A the ability to reject the tree.

   Approaching Tree #4, hold a branch to your nose and take a sniff before Spouse A has a chance to say anything about the tree. This is your opportunity to solicit Spouse A's opinion about the fragrance.

   After processing Trees 5-8, Spouse A will have a good fix on the height and variety of tree desired.

The Helper Elf will have honed in on this, and will be able to show trees that more particularly fit the specs.

   Trees 9 through 13 will be practically perfect. Suggest that you should see #12 and #13 side by side. The Helper Elf will gladly do this. Listen to Spouse A's comments, agree that they are both nice. You will be able to discern which tree Spouse A prefers by the number of times he/she touches it. The tree touched the most is the preferred tree.

   Touch the second choice tree and say something complimentary but ambiguous about its color, such as "That's a vibrant green!" When Spouse A points out that both trees are the same shade of green, agree and say, "What about that one we looked at over there?" Gesture obliquely to the area where you inspected Tree #6. In football, this gambit is known as a Play Action Pass.

   When Spouse A asks if you really liked that tree over there, pause, and say, "Well I did, but you know, I think these trees have more presence."  When Spouse A agrees that Trees 12 and 13 are nice, ask the Helper Elf which tree will fit your stand best. 

   Spouse A will then choose the tree that's too big for the stand. Just go with it. There are stands for sale up by the checkout.

   Congratulations! You've shown Spouse A that you respect the process and validate the emotional component of selecting the tree.  You've done a solid for the health of your relationship, and hey, that tree smells good and is a really vibrant green!

DISCLAIMER: Dr. Karin holds diplomas from Bothell High School, Seattle University and Pear University, the educational arm of the NW Pear Marketing Board (Motto: "Carpe Piria"). She has worked the tree lot since 1973, is not any kind of doctor, and is in no way qualified to give relationship advice beyond "be nice to each other."  She thinks every tree is perfect.

Fruitfully yours, 

Karin